Uncertainty
by Lolkat123
Summary: Now that Firestar has died and went on to StarClan, Sandstorm again feels doubt about whether he truly loved her over Spottedleaf. A simple Firestar x Sandstorm Oneshot.


**Author's Note: A simple Firestar x Sandstorm Oneshot. Honestly, this pairing was never really my favorite, and I never really liked Firestar much, but the idea for this popped into my head and I had to write it.**

**Also! If you have any feedback on how I can improve my writing, please let me know! I would love to improve so my stories get better :D!**

**I hope you enjoy it!**

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"Sandstorm, can you lead a hunting patrol out, please?"

The she-cat blinked, snapping out of her thoughts. "What? Oh, yes, of course. Sure, Squirrelflight."

Her daughter narrowed her eyes, looking at her mother with concern, but said nothing other than a "Thanks."

Oh, StarClan, she reminded her of Firestar so much. Sandstorn felt so alone ever since he died in the battle against the Dark Forest. Even though it had been a full season since his death, she still felt a sense of loss.

With a sigh, Sandstorm pushed herself to her paws. "Lionblaze, can you go get Cloudtail? Squirrelflight asked me to lead a hunting patrol.

The golden tom gave her an odd look. "He's still out patrolling the WindClan border. You said goodbye to him this morning, didn't you?"

_Mouse-brain! You need to get your thoughts straight!_

"Oh, that's right. Sorry. What about Dovewing?"

Lionblaze nodded. "Sure."

As he padded away, Sandstorm mentally screamed at herself. _Idiot! You can't carry on like this! Firestar is gone, and there's nothing you can do about it!_

Dovewing bounded up to her, tail twitching. "I've been dying to get out of camp. Where should we head?"

_Alright, don't mess this one up_.

"How about by the old Twoleg nest? There's always mice around there." Sandstorm mewed carefully.

"Alright! Lets go!" Dovewing raced out of camp.

Lionblaze rolled his eyes. "Honestly, sometimes I still feel like she's an apprentice!" He followed Dovewing at a quick pace.

All these cats with their tireless energy make me feel old. Heck, I am old. It was no big revelation, but her, Dustpelt, and Graystripe were probably the most senior warriors in the clan. _How strange. I remember the forest and being young like them as though it were only yesterday. This must be how it is for the elders. I might join them in a few moons- but not yet! I've still got another few battles left in me._

She ran after them, enjoying the wind the blew through her pelt as she raced through the undergrowth, or leaped over brush. _Maybe I can stop worrying_.

Sandstorm carried back three mice, tail held high. She had been known as the clan's best hunter, and though no longer quite so young, she still was adept at catching prey.

"Nice catch!" Purred Briarlight. The crippled she-cat never seemed to lose her happy attitude, despite being unable to use the lower half of her body.

"Hey, bring one of those over here, will you?" Called Jayfeather. The blind medicine cat sniffed. "That is mouse I smell, isn't it?"

Sandstorm left two of the mice at the fresh kill pile, and carried the third over to Jayfeather's den. "Come in, already." He mewed, voice stiff.

Sandstorm dropped the mouse in front of his paws, then tilted her head. "Do you need something?"

Jayfeather's gaze, although blind, seemed to pierce right into her's. "I would ask you to tell me what's wrong, but I already know that it's about Firestar."

"How- oh. That's right. One of the three."

"Yes, anyway. You need to move on, Sandstorm. It's time. He hunts with StarClan. Stop worrying."

Sandstorm looked at her paws. "I-I can't. No matter what, even when he was alive, I would worry. Sometimes I would remember Spottedleaf, dear, kind, Spottedleaf, and I would hate her. He loved her too, you know."

Sandstorm remembered all the times Firestar, or Firepaw, would get nervous or embarrassed or shy around the pretty medicine cat and be too mouse-brained to know he was even doing it. How she would snap and act cold to him out of a jealousy that for a long time, she didn't understand. How even when they were mates, and had gone off and rebuilt SkyClan, that she still felt doubt that he truly loved her over the dead medicine cat. Fate was cruel, though, and Spottedleaf's spirit had been destroyed, therefore she was not there to welcome Firestar to StarClan. This only made Sandstorm feel worse, and guilty for her jealously towards the kind she-cat.

"Hm. I didn't know you helped Firestar rebuild SkyClan. Interesting."

Sandstorm's gaze sparked angrily. "Get out of my head!" She hissed, before whirling around and storming out of his den.

"Jayfeather got ants in his pelt again?" Brightheart joked, but Sandstorm ignored her and went to the warriors den. _I hate feeling this. Feeling like Firestar loved Spottedleaf, and hating myself for it._

She curled up in her nest, pelt ruffled. _Oh, StarClan, how do I cope? How do I move on from my grief, from my envy?_

Sandstorm closed her eyes tightly. She was sick of all these feelings.

Suddenly she blinked herself awake. She hadn't even realized that she had fallen asleep.

Or maybe she wasn't awake.

For the forest around her was unfamiliar, though inviting. A fiery orange tom faced her.

"Firestar," she murmured.

"Oh, Sandstorm." Firestar pressed his muzzle to her cheek. "I'm so, so, sorry. I know how you've been for the past few moons, I'm sorry..."

Sandstorm ducked away. "I've always been like this! Always feeling doubt and uncertainty! Always unsure of if you loved Spottedleaf more than me! And now I've been grieving and-" She took a breath, then said softly, "I told you not to waste your final life."

Firestar's green gaze was full of sorrow. "Sandstorm, I love you and our kits more than anything. Why can't you accept it?"

"Because I'm not good enough! I've always been second-best to her!" Sandstorm cried, anguish building up inside her.

"Yes, I did love her once." Firestar whispered. "But even though I always held her in my heart, you have had all my love. I don't know how else to tell you other than in the simplest of forms. I love you, Sandstorm." He rubbed his head against hers, pressing his pelt to her lighter fur. "I love you." He repeated, twining his tail with hers.

Sandstorm leaned into him. "And I love you. Forever."

"Always." Firestar murmured. "And I will wait for you in the stars, until you join me."

Sandstorm blinked. She felt the moss of her nest underneath her, and knew she was really awake now. Sandstorm closed her eyes again. She could still feel the warmth of his pelt, the intensity of his gaze, even catch a trace of his scent.

_I love him. And he loves me. And I need to accept it, and move on._

Sandstorm felt a rush of determination. Just because she was a senior warrior didn't mean she had to be a grieving elder!

She stood and padded out of the den. Sandstorm called out to a group of chattering apprentices. "Anyone up for some battle practice?"


End file.
